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Why indeed!
Did you ever wonder....
¦ Can you cry under water?
¦ How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
¦ If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
¦ Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
¦ Why do you have to “put your two cents in”.. . but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?
¦ Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
¦ What disease did cured ham actually have?
¦ How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
¦ Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?
¦ If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
¦ If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
¦ Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
¦ How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
¦ Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.
¦ If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
¦ Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?
¦ Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
¦ Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!”
¦ Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
¦ Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
¦ When your photo is taken for your driver’s license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?
¦ If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
¦ Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
¦ If the professor
on Island can
make a radio
out of a
c o c o n u t ,
why can’t
he fix a hole
in a boat?
¦ Why do
people point to
their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
¦ Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
¦ What do you call male ballerinas?
¦ Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?
¦ If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
¦ If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made f r o m vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
¦ Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
¦ Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? (And let’s not forget “Ba Ba Black Sheep, Have you any Wool)
¦ Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
¦ Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?
¦ Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window? Prayers ...
The preacher’s 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a m o m e n t b e f o r e starting his sermon. One day, sheasked him why. “Well, Honey,” he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of hismessages, “I’m asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.”
”How come Hedoesn’t do it?” she asked.
***
A rabbi said to a
precocious six-yearold
boy, “So your
mother says
your prayers
for you each
night? Very
commendable.
What does she
say?”
The little boy replied, “Thank God he’s in bed!”
***
Our son had only heard his grandfather pray at Thanksgiving, Easter, and other special occasions; when he, typically, said a long prayer over thefood.One night, after a fun camp-out and fishing trip, grandfather (to our son’s surprise) asked a very brief blessing on the food.With a gleam in his eye, our son grinned at his Grandfather and said, “You don’t pray so long when you’re hungry, do you Grandpa?”
***
During the minister’s prayer one Sunday there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews Gary’s mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, “Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?” Gary answered, soberly, “I asked
God to teach me to whistle ...
and He just then did!”
***
A pastor asked a little boy if
he said his prayers every
night.” Yes sir,” the boy
replied.”
And, do you always say
them in the morning, too?” the
pastor asked.
“No sir,” the boy replied. “I
ain’t scared in the daytime.”
***
My wife invited some
people to dinner. At the table,
she turned to our 6-year-old
daughter and said, “Would
you like to say the blessing?”
“I wouldn’t know what to
say,” she replied.
“Just say what you hear
Mommy say,” my wife said.
Our daughter bowed her
head and said, “Dear Lord,
why on earth did Iinvite all
these people to dinner?”
***
When my daughter, Kelli,
was 3, she and my son, Cody,
would say their nightly
prayers, together. As most
children do, we have to bless
every family member, every
friend, and every animal
(current and past).For several
weeks after we had finished
the nightly prayer Kelli would
say, “And all girls.”
As this soon became part of
her nightly routine, to include
this at the end, my curiosity
got the best of me and I asked
her, “Kelli, why do youalways
add the part about all girls?”
Her response, “Because we
always finish our prayers by
saying ‘All Men’!”
If
electricity
comes from
electrons,
does morality
come from morons?
Why are
you IN a
movie, but
you’re ON
TV?
does a round
pizza come in
a square
box?
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