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Have you read the one about ...
Laws of the Natural Universe
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Bio mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theatre: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Six words with two Meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood; Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-nera bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another; Male.... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner; Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mitment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family; Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (enter tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book; Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. REMOTE CONTROL (rimoht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another; Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
Lipstick in School
According to a news report, a certain school in Garden City, MI was recently faced with a unique problem.
A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the washroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. He called all the girls to the washroom and met them there with the maintenance man. He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, he asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
Got a knee slapper? Send it for inclusion in next month's issue to splashnwf@yahoo.com
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