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Have you read the one about ...
Turnabout
Married 25 years, took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but every night I got to sleep with a hot 25year -old blond.
Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman.
She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blond, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car and sleeping on a sofa.
Why am I married?
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man. "
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A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
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A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
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A young son asked, "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
*** Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late."
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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say - talk in your sleep.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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First guy says, "My wife's an angel!" Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
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A Woman's Prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand a man, to love and to forgive him, and for patience for his moods because Lord, if I pray for strength - I'll just beat him to death."
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Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would have put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus."
Granny drivers
Sitting on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers, a state trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, "This driver is every bit as dangerous as a speeder!" So, he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices there are five elderly ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back, wideeyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand. I was going the exact speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"
The trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22 is the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But, before you go, ma'am, I have to ask: Is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken."
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 127." Got a knee
slapper?
Send it for inclusion in next month's issue to splashnwf@yahoo.com
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