|
Have you read the one about ...
Texas cowgirl says to the bartender
A cowgirl, who is visiting Texas from Arkansas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin. When we all left our home in Arkansas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains, "It's just that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my sisters though."
You might be a Floridian if...
"Down South" means Key West;
"Panhandling" means going to Pensacola;
You think no one over 70 should be allowed to drive;
Flip-flops are everyday wear;
Shoes are for business meetings and church;
No, wait, flip flops are good for church too, unless it's Easter or Christmas;
Sweet tea can be served at any meal;
An alligator once walked through your neighborhood;
You smirk when a game show's "Grand Prize" is a trip or cruise to Florida;
You measure distance in minutes;
You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt;
A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level;
You think everyone from a bigger city has a northern accent;
You know the four seasons really are: almost summer, summer, not summer but really hot, and Christmas.
It's not soda, cola, or pop...it's coke, regardless of brand or flavor, "What kinda coke you want?"
Anything under 95 is just warm;
You've hosted a hurricane party;
You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the best rides;
You pass on the right and honk at the elderly;
You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches;
You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Withlacoochee and Loxahatchee;
You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat, than have a boat yourself;
You were 8 before you realized they made houses without pools;
You were 12 when you first met someone who couldn't swim; and
You get angry when people say "Florida isn't really part of the SOUTH"
5 Christian One liners
1.. Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
2.. Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.
3.. Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors.
4.. It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
5.. When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there. Got a knee
slapper?
Send it for inclusion in next month's issue to splashnwf@yahoo.com
| 
