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Things I don't understand about 'the season'
Hey, it's June. We used to remember June for the beginning of summer, vacation time, and June Brides. Now we all huddle in terror of the upcoming Hurricane Season. My wife, 'Lishous birthday is on June 2nd, and that is also National Bubba Day, she just loves me for doing that, but even those two nationally important events are belittled for the folks that live on the Redneck Rivera, by the beginning of "the season."
Here are a few things that I don't understand about what they tell us about "getting prepared for Hurricane Season".
#1. Get canned goods, dry beans, bottled water, flashlights and fresh batteries. Well, I did that in prior seasons and it all washed away in Ivan and again in Dennis. This is stupid. What you need is a car full of gas and a house in Nashville, Tennessee. Have it fully stocked and head north to live in luxury until all the IGMO's that wanted to "ride it out" are evacuated. You can watch it on TV and have a cold beer in air conditioning. Yep, that's the ticket. If you don't have the money for that, then you need to make some new rich friends that do. Don't call me!
#2. Have a weather radio. Yeah, right, that will help block the door against a 52 foot tidal surge. What you need is to be listening to that radio from at least 400 miles north of here.
#3. Take your pets with you. One of the things that made me mad in Ivan and Dennis was that people don't take all their pets. They took the dogs, but we lost many cats and caged birds. Hey, they are pets to. Do you expect them to just "ride it out", while old Fido is curled up on the back seat of your car getting treats and very happy that finally he is "man's best friend?" Take ALL you pets; none of them have a chance in a hurricane. But, don't expect to find rooms easy, you might want to buy you a big pup tent to live in next to a motel with a shower and a bathroom.
#4. "The First 72 Are on YOU"…this is the new FEMA motto. This means that the first 72 hours are up to you. You must do for yourself until the Government FEMA savior dude gets to your house. Well, if you buy into this you are dumber than the mullet I caught yesterday. Hey Bubba, it's ALL on YOU. From three days before it hits until five days after it is gone. Get out, get what is valuable to you and kiss everything else good-by. If there is anything left when you get back, it's a BONUS.
If you live within three miles of a body of water, everything you have is disposable, everything that is that you can't take with you. 72 hours my aching butt.
Well, there you have it. Bubba's advice on how to cope with the season. Just get out, don't think about it, have a party where ever you are and when you get back, get busy. We live here because we love it, not because we are afraid of it.
Just thought you'd like to know……………….
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