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email box
Why, Why, Why:
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when a revolver is thrown at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?"
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
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Friendship:
Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-just the stone cold truth of our friendship.
1. When you are sad ...
I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the person who made you that way.
2. When you are blue ...
I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile...
I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared...
I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried...
I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused... I will use little words.
7. When you are sick...
stay the hell away from me until you are well. Again, I don't want to catch whatever you have.
8. When you fall...
I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. This is my oath, I pledge it to the end...
"Why?" you may ask? Because you are my friend.
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Valentine's Day Jokes:
Q: Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
A: Sure, they're very scentimental!
Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
A: Hogs and kisses!
Q: What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
A: "I find you very attractive."
Submit jokes to the Splash! email box! splashnwf@yahoo.com.
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