It's not just a new year. Twenty-twelve also an election year, an inspirational, democratic exercise which we turn over to vote-grubbing, money-seeking, smarmy-smiling politicians who interrupt our favorite TV shows with endless inane commercials.

Don't despair. We can regain control of the process, or at least make it more entertaining by following these three rules.

¦ Rule 1: Whenever possible, vote for a bald guy, no matter what his politics. Bald guys have paid their dues much more than poufy-haired boys like Bill Clinton, Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney, all masters at political disguise.

Being the butt of bald jokes is good for building a tough skin, and the common stereotypes about baldness only make hairimpaired guys work harder to be appealing to women and employers. Bald men are used to being more upfront and revealing, as it were. If you've been the butt of bald jokes for years you won't run from a fight just because a political opponent calls you names.

It's not coincidence that the symbol of American strength is the bald eagle. A peacock or a woodpecker would never command the respect a bald eagle deserves.

Corollary to Rule 1: Never vote for a man with a combover. A man should either be bald or haired. A combover is a sure sign that the man is disposed to coverups. How can you expect a straight, courageous answer from a man who must walk with the wind just to keep his combover from billowing in the breeze?

¦ Rule 2: When pollsters and political candidates call you, lie. If they're Republicans, tell them you're for Barack Obama. If they're Democrats, they must be lost if they're calling anyone in this area.

Tell the pollsters that, by golly, you do want tax increases and you do want to cut public safety, and then sit back and watch the politicians spin such stuff. Do it a few times and the politicians will put you on their own “Do Not Call” list.

¦ Rule 3: Start a drinking game, perhaps over tired but endlessly used statements by politicians. One of their favorite empty statements is, "The children are our future."

Whenever you hear a politician say this, take a big gulp of your favorite adult beverage. Be careful with this game or you will be snockered from now until Election Day.

Maybe you want to chug-a-lug to another oft-used empty statement: "We just need common sense to run government."

Wrong! We've had too much common sense and not enough uncommon good sense. That's why government is in such a pickle.

Besides, one man's common sense is another man's crazy notion. Make the politicians tell you specifically what they will do rather than letting them hide behind vague phrases.

Maybe you feel that you can do the job better than the politicians. You may even decide to run – until you see the suffocating role of money in politics, the loss of your privacy and the complexity of the problems.

The challenges are so daunting that you will pull your hair out…and no one will vote for you.

Mark O’Brien is a longtime columnist in the Pensacola area who brings his “O’Pinions” to Splash! this January. Pick up a copy each month to find out what’s on his mind.