2017-09-01 / Features

That's Write


by opinions different from their own and won’t have to be burdened with acknowledging and disposing of their own prejudices.

. “My check bounced because of insignificant funds.”

And I feel your pain, believe me. Seems my funds are always insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

. “President Clinton was a Road Scholar.”

Ah, so that’s why he is so “driven” to accept those exorbitant speaking fees.

. “The food in our cafeteria is so bad, it’s not fit for human constipation.”

All acceptable rejoinders are “blocked” at this point, and I am completely “bound up.” I’ve been overwhelmingly “impacted” by the mere thought.

. “I refuse to answer on the grounds that it might incinerate me.”

I can relate. It’s happened to me several times when I’ve been “all fired up” about something.

. “My son’s grades have taken a real nosedrop.”

Oh, booger!

. “I don’t believe in heaven or hell, but I do believe in puberty.”

Which is made up of equal parts of both.

. “Okay, ma’am, I’m going to give you a ballpoint figure.”

Wait, I know that woman, and she really is a pen head with a reservoir of dark, inky fears clogging up her thought processes.

So much for an oracle about communicating colorectally. Sometimes the median really is the massage, sort of like Marshall McLuhan said.

Hear endeth the lesson.

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